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Saturday, October 31, 2009

The ups and downs of International adoptions

I have been debating back and forth whether to write this post or not. It is kinda of a downer and I really would like to post the positives of adoption to encourage people rather than discourage people to adopt but I feel truth and light helps people through the process. Adopting from Ethiopia can happen very quickly or slowly. Some people get their paperwork in and get a referral the next day no matter what age child they are looking for. Some people ask specifically for older children who are waiting and wait 6 months for a referral. Some people wait almost a year for a referral get one and the next person in line gets a referral who has only been waiting a few month and passes court before your referral the parents decide to parent and then you start the whole process of waiting again. Some people get a referral and then a court date less than a month apart. Others get a referral after waiting 6 months and 5 months later still don't have a court date. Some people get referral pictures and six months later when their child gets his/her care package finds that the picture they have been bonding with is not even their child. That they have pics of both their child and a child who has a family.Some people pass court the first time because their agency has a very thorough lawyer. Some people with that same great lawyer don't pass court the first time because family memebers don't show up to court. Some people work with other agencies and don't pass court over and over again because their lawyers aren't as thourough. Some people adopt through orphanages where all their ducks are in a row and everything runs smoothly others children are referred through orphanages that don't have their paperwork and licenses in order and the local goverment advocates to move the child to an orphanage that does.SOme children are referred as healthy children and come home sickly and disabled. SOme children are referred as sick and disabled children and come home healthy. As parents waiting for children some of us sail through smooth waters and our patience and understanding is not tested at all. Others of us Me in particular at this moment God stretches beyond belief and our patience level and understanding of situations stretches so thin that if it is stretched any more it is going to snap. SOme families bring their children home and there are instant bonds of attatchment other children come home and have what they call RAD radical attachment disorder and may never fully attatch. Some people have the process almost all the way through (both in domestic and international adoption) and then the parent decides to parent. Which is good whatever is best for the child is great but it still is tough on the parent. Let me tell you adoption is never fair. You will always have people on both sides of the coin. You will also always have people who have it easier and harder than you. Pray for those families help them to be stetched just a little thinner without snappingh if that's what needs to happen. Understand that no two adoptions even from the same country with the same child request will ever be the same.

2 comments:

Upstatemomof3 said...

I absolutely could have written that myself. I think our process has hit every single snag along the way.

Jennifer said...

That is totally true. And can be very, very frustrating.